Saturday, September 27, 2008

Mainstream Thai Girlfriends

Mainstream Thai Girlfriends
Thanks to

From my experience, regardless of culture, humans have more in common than they have differences. However, there are cultural differences, and some can mean some serious issues. Many differences are subcultural rather than cultural, i.e., not all Thais are the same.

My own experience plus that of my farang friends and associates is most remarkable, and I'll do my best to structure it here.

Overall, the vast majority of farangs have Thai girlfriends from the farang bar-girl and freelancer scene. A smaller percentage are Thai ladies from the offices of multinational companies (usually met in the office), and Thai ladies attending universities (often met via Internet). A still smaller percentage is Thai ladies from none of the above, and what I'll generally categorize as from social encounters -- the general blue collar workforce, or born wealthy and idling, or supported by their extended family, etc. (Low level sales ladies in department stores and the like are often in a grey area, in-between.)

There are major differences between "mainstream" ladies and bargirls/freelancers. While there are many sorts, most of them will not get in bed with you quickly. (How long varies from a few dates to a few months. Those waiting until marriage now make up a small minority.) They will expect you to be faithful to them. You must know how to be reasonably polite and proper in Thai culture if you ever expect to get far. Sukhumvit and Pattaya norms are not acceptable -- this is a different subculture.

When in public in Thailand, it's important to not overdo physical contact. Watch Thai couples. They may touch hands or arms occasionally, but they don't walk down the road arm in arm, and don't even hold hands much. Nonetheless, the looks in your eyes, smiles, and gentle affectionate touching which flows naturally is quite acceptable in contemporary Bangkok culture. Of course, unnatural, "forced" contact is a turn-off. Kissing in public is something you should never do in Thailand.


Attracting Ladies
"Dry spells seem to last forever, but when it rains, it pours." Ironically, I've found that the easiest way to attract ladies is by already having one, which of course is objectionable, but it's just my experience. There's something about your body language when you're in love that makes you more attractive. When seen in public with your girlfriend, there's often envy on the part of the other girls, and potential inroads there.

Thais are very sensitive to body language. Everyone in the world should be but they aren't. Most Thais are more sensitive than most Americans I know to reading body language. You must be in a relaxed and nice state of mind.

You must be clean, and should be dressed fairly nicely.

Generally speaking, Thais are gentle, fun-loving, nonjudgemental, and positive-minded people. If you are too serious, overbearing, judgemental and impatient then you're going to have a very difficult time here (unless you stick to the go-go bars instead).

If you look around at a lot of women, then they will dismiss you as a hunter or "snake head". They will watch your eyes and your entire body language, and read you like a book. Most ladies will not give any hint of being attracted to a foreign guy until they have observed him awhile to assess his character.

You really can't fake body language. You are what you are. As applies to Hollywood, "Bad actors act, good actors are", i.e., bad actors act their character role without truly feeling it, whereas good actors become their character.

Meeting the Ladies
Courting is usually very subtle at first in Thailand. In the Thai culture, generally speaking, the guy should chase the girl moreso than in the farang culture, and the girl must play hard to get. However, this is not always the case, and many girls have overtly chased me, usually when with one or more of their friends when they tend to be in a more social mood.

It's sometimes also easier for me when I'm with a friend or two, warmed up in conversation mode already, and where the focus isn't so intense on one person. Having several people around can create a constantly flowing dynamic.

In mainstream nightspots, a Thai male friend at the ladies' table may make the initial contact because the girls are too shy, or a waiter/waitress will bridge the communication in a playful way. However, nightspots are a risky source for a longterm girlfriend.

It's difficult for a tourist to meet a mainstream lady while on a short trip to Thailand. It's much better to live here a long time, whereby the ladies see the guy as here long enough to get to know first, less risk of the usual problems of long distance relationships, and you get a better selection over time.

As this is not an option for so many guys, I get a lot of inquiries for advice.

Internet dating is one obvious option, whereby you can meet them well in advance of your arrival and develop the relationship over that time. However, ladies with a photo and profile on-line usually have a lot of guys hitting up on them ... need I say more? Also, you just don't know about personality compatibility until you meet them in person, so should you put all your hopes into one lady?

For those who choose to try internet dating, I advise you to put up your own profile and wait for Thai ladies to go to the effort to contact you. Many mainstream Thai ladies don't want to put their photo up on an internet dating site. Ask for their profile, and if they don't have one or are shy to put up their photo or personal information, then that's usually a good sign. However, do be aware that there are scammers who reach out to contact foreigners this way, and if you get serious about a lady then you may want to verify her background and current status.

An alternative is to meet mainstream ladies is in a commercial environment, such as sales and service ladies. It's their job to talk with customers, but with a smile and genuine interest you can meet many of these ladies in one day. Only a small fraction may be available (no husband or boyfriend)and interested, but in a good long day at shopping malls and markets, you may be able to come up with a few prospects. However, many sales ladies "use" guys just to make sales, so you must be careful, and at some point you could ask if they have a husband or boyfriend. If you can get their mobile number, then send an SMS or two. If they don't reply, then cross them off your list. However, while it's a good sign that a lady has a real job requiring real effort rather than making money on her back, do be aware that some sales ladies use their job to meet multiple men, and of course pretty ones will normally have multiple guys in pursuit.

If you choose to stick to your normal living and working environment, then usually, the initial contact does not happen for some time. I may be aware that I'm being watched, and make some subtle signals that I'm also watching (quite subtle and not pushy), but it takes time. The Thai ladies check you out carefully over time, such as whether your eyes look at a lot of other ladies in the environment, and of course whether you go thru a series of bargirls.

If you are outside your normal environment and/or it's a one-time opportunity where you'll probably never see each other again, then you must go for it somehow. If you'll be seeing each other again, e.g., you see her at her fixed place of work or at a nearby residence, then the best thing is to give it some time.

A genuine smile is an absolute must. Thais know of many kinds of smiles just like many kinds of hearts. (Minds are another matter...)

Seducing Ladies
Seduction is a creative art, and there is little in the way of "technique".

What worked for me in Thailand is a variation of what happens in the west. The main difference is that Thais are more playful on average, and usually less serious except conformists from conservative families. You should joke as much as you can.

Eventually, she will visit your home, initially with a friend in most situations.

It helps to have a nice and comfortable place. Here is what I recommend:

Nice music is essential. I have a computer whose hard disk is loaded with MP3 music and prepared playlists. Different playlists for different moods and stages. A mix of Thai and farang music. Mainly pop and romantic. I don't shuffle CD's, but instead convert them to MP3, copy them to the hard disk, and store away the original in a box somewhere. Of course, my computer is connected to my stereo. Before you do this, better read about electrical grounding.

A clean place is vital.

Comfortable places to sit down should be apparent.

Nice decor.

Photo albums of your home and your life.

Air conditioning can help a lot. I keep it on the very cool side.

Lots of pillows and things soft and thick.

A TV with some romantic and other kinds of videos can be nice.

Just in case, better have some condoms in the drawer beside the bed.
Eventually, it may come to an increasingly physical encounter, that 3 letter word. Thai ladies are much more shy about their bodies when it comes to anything serious physically. The keyword here is "sensitive". There won't be much variety on the menu for awhile.

Differences from the West
First, Thais don't kiss much mouth-to-mouth. French-style kissing is rare. Instead, Thais kiss with their nose against their lover's skin, a kind of mild suction kiss with the nose. It's a more sensitive kind of kiss, and not wet or sloppy.

I remember the first time a girl kissed me this way. It was very cute and I came to prefer this way. I've never been into mouth-to-mouth kissing too much anyway, so this was an improvement. I kiss the skin regularly but not the mouth except on occasion.

The rest of this section gets a little sexually graphic, so if you're too conservative then you should stop here...

Mainstream Thai girls are usually shy about their bodies. If you start expanding your affections to sensitive parts of their body, then you'll usually need to turn out the lights at first.

Touching a certain place with your hand is usually not allowed, quite the opposite of western ladies who much prefer foreplay in such a place. Indeed, if you proceed to sexual intercourse, then it may take a little more time without "guidance" or such touching.

Sexual gratification of the woman often doesn't occur on the first encounter unless you really take a lot of time. If they're a virgin, which is common here, then they're usually quite ignorant and learning some very basics. Once they've "gotten over" this first experience, then they're generally more open to learning and foreplay. Sexuality is not discussed in the saucy Thai press in as much detail as in the west (never mind the saucier photos in Thai magazines), and in many circles it is not discussed in detail among friends, though many Thai ladies go into exhaustive detail with their close friends.

As you develop friendship as well as romance, trust, and lots of affection and comfort with each other, then you can often bypass the pitfalls of the above, especially with LOTS AND LOTS of foreplay.

At the other extreme, forget getting a lady into bed on the first night, or the second. Let them dream about things for awhile, and assimilate the possibilities in their mind, so that they are "ready". It's not uncommon to sleep with a lady without having sex for one or more nights. I generally stay away from sex until both they and myself are ready. No sex is much better than bad sex. And other feelings are more gratifying. It's like drinking a wine before its time. Also, first impressions are important. Wait until she's really ready (though some people are followers too much, and need some pushing).

Some Thai girls will talk seriously about commitment and make conditions for getting more physical. Don't lie or mislead them. They are serious. Don't be surprised if they reject you and remove themselves from the relationship. However, in most cases it's just for awhile. You might be surprised several days later by the 11pm sweet and imaginative phone call you'll get, like they've decided that "If you don't get what you want, then you settle for less." You can see the shift in their outlook, that they are now ready to explore and learn some things about life and love, rather than stick to their ideals and the same old routine and potentially miss out.

if having sex quickly is very important to you, then Thai ladies who already have previously had a normal serious Thai boyfriend over a protracted period of time are often the best to have sex with.


Having said all the above, I should include the disclaimer that this is what works for me, perhaps my style, and the kinds of ladies who seem attracted to me. Birds of a feather fly together. I am aware that other guys and ladies have entirely different styles, and never the twain should meet. Likewise, your mileage may vary. Do what works for you. I just want to share my experiences in case it's helpful to someone. At the very least, it sure is quite a contrast to bargirl style.

QuaLity experiences that stand out in my life are more important than quaNtity.

However, different strokes for different folks.


Are you establishing a relationship on the strongest possible basis? Language barriers in communicating concepts is a challenge, and it is important to make sure you understand each other rather than be limited in what you can say and still be understood, so that you form the best bond. Thai ladies have many natural advantages over Western ladies, but language can be a serious limitation. A quality translation service can help you two establish the initial bond.

For Thai-English translations in e-mail or other communications, try or just

For private investigative services, e.g., discreetly checking out a girlfriend's behavior when you are not present (other boyfriend(s)?), background check (does she really work, is she really a student, did she tell you the truth about...), finding a disappeared girlfriend, etc., (Interesting experiences journaled there, too.) If you're investing considerable time, money, emotional capital and your reputation into your future with a Thai lady, or if you don't really have peace of mind about something, then "better sooner than later" to resolve the issues, and a discreet investigation is often well worth it.

Thailand Private Investigations, , uses Thai lady agents of many different backgrounds, and professional methods, in order to be most discreet and effective. A Thai lady matched to each task is usually better accepted than a man -- more discreet and effective. However, some cases require a foreign man (such as entering a go-go bar and operations there), and Thailand P.I. uses the husband of an agent (me!).

I must say, in the context of this page, that I've seen such a variety of relationships from working in the private investigations business. Many guys cathartically go into the most intimate detail. It's better to live vicariously in many ways, than to go thru all that yourself!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Thai Girlfriends and Women

Thai Girlfriends and Women
(From Thanks to

In approaching this topic for the largest audience, I first have to briefly cover some general issues and paint an overview of Thai women before going in depth on particular topics and issues. This section covers things ranging from the extremes of extrinsic "Thai prostitution" vs. intrinsic love relationships. It covers things in-between, mixed motivations. It includes the issue of what is called "matrimonial prostitution" for relationships in the West of essentially the same kind under disguise (i.e., marry a rich guy so the woman can work less on her life).

However, emphasis is on the ordinary cultural ways, for those who really want to explore a different kind of culture, and possibly develop a meaningful relationship with a mainstream Thai lady.

Much of this also applies to relationships in general, outside of Thailand.

In Thailand, there are generally two sorts of lady: Prostitutes, and Mainstream (non-prostitutes). Based on statistics from various sorts, only about 2% of Thai ladies are prostitutes. However, these prostitutes tend to concentrate themselves where the business is, which includes a few square kilometers in the tourist and expat concentration areas in lower Sukhumvit and in Pattaya, and they tend to stand out since they try to get the attention of foreign guys. It is very important to understand that what you see in those zones is very different from what you come across in the rest of Thailand (except other hot spots).

There is a big difference between mainstream Thai ladies and those you can meet in bars and nightclubs. What is often said about "Thai ladies" in general, actually applies only to [ex-]prostitutes, who seem to make up the majority of girlfriends and wives of foreigners, so don't believe everything you read and hear ... e.g., "Thai girls are unfaithful", or "Thai girls just want your money". Substitute the word "prostitute" for "girl" in those sentences and it makes more sense. If you're old enough to read this, and sophisticated enough to use Internet well, then you should be old enough to not believe everything you hear and read about Thai ladies and smart enough to think by yourself...

Likewise, it is incorrect to assume that all Thai ladies who have met a foreign man in the nightlife areas and developed a special relationship are tricking or unfaithful to the new boyfriend. It is true that most Thai nightlife ladies we investigate are unfaithful to or otherwise tricking the foreign boyfriend, but many are not. Many ladies in the nightlife area come to the point where they've experienced enough, and are ready to settle down into a more normal and stable lifestyle. Unfortunately, they are a minority in the nightlife areas. Nonetheless, bad news travels much further than good news, and many internet forums tend to be "agony aunt" sounding boards for venting anger and frustration.

Who am I to say?

The author of this article has much more experienced with mainstream Thai culture than with the foreigner-oriented, prostitution-common areas, though I'm quite experienced in both, with quite a large number of my own experiences of various sorts. However, compared to the vast majority of farangs who live in Thailand, I'm far more experienced with the mainstream Thai ladies and Thai gentle-men, and can educate and advise other farangs accordingly, providing a greater overall perspective.

In addition to my own experiences since 1994, and those of my friends and associates, I've also run a private investigations business of which relationships are the primary demand -- discreet investigations of Thai girlfriends in Thailand for foreigners overseas, as well as investigating foreign husbands in Thailand for western wives overseas. For more information on that, see

Most foreigners who visit or live in Thailand spend most of their time in the tiny percentage of the country which farang-oriented prostitutes are attracted to, a naturally select population. But many do not. From my viewpoint, those steeped in the farang prostitution areas are best staying in these areas, and going thru the shorttime adventures with bargirls and freelancers ad infinitum, and persisting in their cynical illusions of denial, because these farangs would not be happy with (nor faithful to) a mainstream Thai girl for very long, and neither would a mainstream Thai lady be happy with them. If you pursue a mainstream Thai lady, then you should be as faithful to her as she is to you. Otherwise, you will have fewer problems if you just stick to the other side of town, because prostitutes are used to providing service and then making a break after receiving the money without any emotional drama (except happiness to get money), so it stays simple and clean (bullshit aside).

Indeed, most farang males who work in offices take little interest in co-workers, and spend much more time at pubs with their friends and developing mutual flash-in-the-pan relationships with the outgoing and skilled Thai ladies of entertainment venues, because there are so many lovely ladies among them who are easy to chat up, outgoing and willing to move into a sexual liaison in very short time when an opportunity comes within range, especially if the man fits certain criteria such as being dressed as if they have money, clean, cheerful and easygoing.

Do not treat your coworkers or employees as if they are similar to bargirls. Just like in your own country, Thailand has different kinds of people in different walks of life.

The prostitutes are far more willing with sex, quickly, so you don't waste much time getting them there, they don't give you problems when you've had enough of them and pay them off (quite unlike a normal lady), and there are a variety of other lovely beauties out there for your next adventure. For what you pay per night, it's pretty cheap when compared to the real costs (both time and money) on an alternative, serious relationship, and you avoid the emotional pitfalls of something more serious. Even if you keep a prostitute for a few days or weeks and enter a grey area relationship, she'll usually be out of your way with her next distraction -- another farang man in her normal environment...

For those who want a "good" Thai girlfriend, I can advise you about this, but before doing so you'd better think about whether this is really what you want in the long run. "Be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it!"

Once you get a good Thai lady serious about you, especially after physical intimacy, if you change your mind then they will usually be a lot more difficult to break with than a Western lady. They are not like prostitutes who are already accustomed to this (but who may yell and scream for a few minutes nevertheless, but still leave after you pay them off). You cannot pay off most mainstream Thai ladies. They wouldn't accept it, and they won't give up easily. It may be more traumatic to the average Thai lady than the typical foreign woman.

Relationships consume a lot of time. Businessmen and independent guys often just don't have the time, or don't want the entanglements. For these guys, the occasional weekend outing in the bars and music is a time & cost efficient release.

On the other hand, a good reason to not go with prostitutes is because of sexually transmitted diseases. I just have a feeling of revulsion of "going where so many men have been before" (the antithesis of the Star Trek theme). In fact, going where so many whoremongers have been before, and who knows where those whoremongers have been before they had sex with the particular lady of interest to you! They may be infested with viruses and various kinds of bacteria, only a few of which are symtomatic at first. Be realistic and keep condoms handy. Condoms don't protect you against everything (e.g., herpes, or genital warts, or molluscum, all of which are extremely common here), but they protect you against the worst things (HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, NSU).

There are some very pleasant and lovely bargirls and freelance prostitutes out there. However, most are hard core. That environment in general can be irritating, as there are just too many loud, hardened and insensitive prostitutes all around -- crude with low intellectual class and a "don't give a sh*t" attitude. Mercenary commercial. In cruising with friends, I can go a whole night without seeing anything I'd take, even if they were paying me!

I'm usually the odd one in the group, and not your ordinary farang in Thailand. I prefer a lovely romance. Otherwise, I'd rather go home to a nice home environment with good books, serious Internet research on life and future matters. Finding the right kind of Thai lady who is compatible with me has not been easy. Too many Thai ladies seem to be looking for the kinds of farangs they see in TV commercials and movies, and sometimes I've felt like "the farang entertainment center". Others just don't have the kind of philosophical outlook on life, meaningful interests, and language skills. For quite some time, it was like the old adage "If you don't get what you want, then you settle for less".

It is easy to find a cute, lovely lady to fall in love with, where the world is a beautiful place, and you have happy dreams ... but marrying them is another matter.

There aren't many non-Thai ladies here. Nearly all the foreign ladies you will meet here are wives of an expat, and the selection among the rest is slim pickins. Sometimes it had made me want to jump on an airplane to the next likely oasis, e.g., Australia or India. (I believe there's just too much materialistic expectation and homogenization most everywhere else.)

If you like partying and excitement, then the bars in Bangkok are some of the best in the world. For me, they were at first interesting to experience, and the music at some is always good.

It doesn't take long to get to understand the scene. It doesn't have much appeal to me as a rather studious expat, and the music and friends are the main draw.

I should make clear that I don't want to imply that all Thai prostitutes are trouble or all "ordinary" Thai girls are true-hearted.

There are gold diggers everywhere. You have to ask why a girl is attracted to a relationship with you, a foreigner, especially if she is quick to it. It is my experience that most ordinary Thai girls are not after my money (and don't take any), but I am picky and patient. Your mileage may vary. A sizeable percentage of non-prostitutes are attracted largely to the farang's money and material wellbeing, and/or some Hollywood-based illusion they may have of life in a farang's country. They may simply look to a farang to take care of them, everything, whereby they'd "have it made in life". Matrimonial prostitution (though they don't see it that way).

Notably, I usually don't make introductions and wouldn't be seen with many of the farangs who have expressed wanting a good Thai girlfriend (often in a fleeting moment of frustration over the behavior of a prostitute girlfriend they've become emotionally attached to), because I don't think those farangs really understand what they're getting into when it comes to good Thai ladies, would be unlikely to develop or enjoy such a relationship due to inability or unwillingness to adapt culturally (as well as the Thai lady's inability or unwillingness in many cases, too), and/or would be unfaithful to the good Thai girl which in many cases is damaging to her reputation and sometimes her life (e.g., offspring abandoned by the farang). In any introduction, I take no responsibility for anything. Use at your own risk.

Nevertheless, I sometimes do bring farangs into my realm to hang out with, sometimes deeply. Then, whatever happens, happens...

Before a farang even considers a "good" Thai girlfriend, he should consider the ramifications. He will have to give up the bargirl adventures in his life. (Some women put up with their boyfriend engaging in shorttime liassons behind their back as long as they come home on time every night, but it's not true that this is generally accepted in higher class Thai society. MOST Thai ladies do NOT tolerate this.) If he changes his heart and mind about his current girlfriend, he won't be able to dispose of his good Thai girlfriend cleanly with a 1000 baht note. He won't be able to get into her pants on the first night, and probably not the first few nights. Whenever he gets that far, then when he does get to her panties, she will usually be shy (depending upon the friendship trust and art), and it won't be the same kind of experience as with a prostitute, for better or for worse.

In my opinion, quality beats quantity. Of course, just my opinion, different strokes for different folks.

A lot of guys on the internet have stated that they've become less sensitive and more hardened by spending too much time in the bars. I would suggest to these people that they try a courting kind of relationship over time. Your mileage may differ, but none of my one night stands have come close to any of my courting relationships.

Most guys who are attracted to Thai ladies more than western ones are attracted to the lovely, native, freely natural feminine ways of Thai ladies. The mainstream ones will be loyal, most of them will spend money wisely and prudently, and will be more responsible with maintaining a nice home and helping out with work. Mainstream Thai ladies will not push you to be ambitious but will value "peace, love and harmony" moreso (as most Thais value harmony more than ambition if the latter means conflicts), but they won't have much initiative, as they will tend to seek out a relaxed and peaceful environment with family and friends. It may take a long time before you will find an ambitious and intellectual Thai lady if that's what you're looking for. They are Thai. Nonetheless, they do exist in large numbers here.

If you are fast paced, always moving forward, and expect everything done right the first time, then you're probably headed for frustration with Thai women, and Thais in general. However, if you live a relaxed and peaceful lifestyle, then you'll be at home here.

Exceptions are the "Chinese Thais", specifically those who are 100% of Chinese descent but whose parents were both from immigrant families from China. Most of the offspring of these people are melting pot Thai in disposition, but many are hardworking Chinese. Most of the Chinese who came to Thailand didn't survive from a natural selection viewpoint family-wise, so the current generation of successful immigrant family-descended Chinese Thais have a fairly exceptional subcultural background. You have a wide range or personalities to choose from among the Chinese Thais, but you'll find that a larger percentage of them have ambitions and value education more. Some are a nice blend, the best of both worlds.

At the other extreme are the Thai country girls who recently moved to Bangkok (or maybe you meet them in the country), most of whom have no ambition but all of the native feminity.

There is quite a variety of Thai ladies. However, of notable mention are some of those you can meet in Internet dating services. Many of these ladies want to be westernized. If that's what you want, fine. However, why come to Thailand for a westernized girl? If you like Thai ladies, then you must like the Thai way, in whole or in part. Otherwise, neither the Thai lady nor yourself will be happy for long in the relationship. Of course, there are many ladies in Internet dating services who will be themselves, and that's good. Just a warning about what naturally works for more than a few months...

In Thailand, there aren't many inventors, social leaders or creators of evolutionary progress in our generation, even among the men, on a per capita basis compared to the west. What was invented in Thailand? What was copied from the West?

The beauty of Thailand, in my opinion, it that it's a very different culture than the west or the rest of Asia or anywhere in the 21st (or 20th) century, it's peaceful and harmonious, the people smile (even those in poverty by western standards) -- hence the name "Land of Smiles". It has a native human ambiance that has long since been lost elsewhere in the world due to the Industrial Revolution or colonization or overpopulation and abject poverty.

The beauty of the ladies is due to the Thai value system, which is very different from the West, for better and for worse. There is a lot one can learn about happiness from one of the most civil civilizations left on the planet, including from a Thai mate, be it a prostitute or, if you fit certain criteria to some degrees or others, a mainstream lady. (Be a leader sometimes, a follower sometimes...)

What I try to do here is lay out the cultural landscape so that you approach it with a more complete understanding of the differences in culture and protocols, lay down some tools for you to use if you are willing and able, and let you decide on your own what segment(s) of the population you may wish to explore.

In discussing Thai ladies, I cover the range from mainstream to the prostitute girls, pretty much the entire spectrum as best the experiences of myself and the contributors can fathom. All Thai ladies have more in common than they have differences. The differences are mainly in regard to serious relationships.

Of course, there are always a diversity of exceptions, and the younger generation is bringing some changes, though no radical changes which I can see in the general population as of the time of this writing.

Courting in Thailand also has a lot of the same environmental elements as elsewhere in the world, ranging from gold-digger "matrimonial prostitutes" (materialistic ladies who look at potential boyfriends for their extrinsic elements more than their intrinsic qualities), to serious girls looking for the one and only Prince Charming with overly romantic fantasies which simply cannot be satisfied. Hollywood is not Reality. In-between, there are lots of free adventurers who juggle several boyfriends to learn life to some kind of measure.

In general, most Thai women marry for love, not for money, and are entirely faithful and committed to their husband or longtime boyfriend. However, they tend to look for Thai guys, and the sort who are attracted to foreigners are usually a different breed of Thai lady.

Of the prostitutes who marry, most do it for the money (obviously), or a mix of money and a kind of love. Of course, there are exceptions to everything, but we shouldn't let ourselves be blinded by love to the extent that we don't realize what's obvious to others. Most marriages to prostitutes don't last long, but there are in fact many good marriages, albeit a small percentage.
Thai Girlfriends - [Ex-] Prostitutes

Prostitutes are a very tiny percentage of the population of Thai women, but are often the vast majority of the Thai women that individual western men know, and the foreigner areas of Thailand tend to have an amazingly high population density of them. Travelling into those parts of town is like travelling into a subculture.

The large number of farangs with Thai girlfriends and wives taken from freelance prostitution pickup places and outright go-go bars is mainly due to the fact that it's much quicker and easier to develop a full blown relationship with a prostitute and there are lots and lots of beautiful, lovely and outgoing farang-oriented prostitutes in the farang parts of the city. Years of observation have shown it's too easy for a farang to become involved with a Thai prostitute of one kind or another.

From my observations, most such relationships don't work out well in the end, for various reasons, especially compared to relationships with non-prostitutes. There are many exceptions, however. Analyzing the successes and failures of such relationships turns up one most common and simple factor in determining the success and failure of relationships with [ex-]prostitutes -- how long the female was engaged in prostitution in any form before meeting her boyfriend. After that, the second most important factor is in regard to expectations, understanding each others' limits, and general cultural and relationship issues, as discussed in both of my longer discourses on "bargirl and freelancer girlfriends" and "mainstream Thai girlfriends", and accepting those differences rather than trying to change the other person very much.

Thailand is well known for prostitution even though it's a very small element of Thailand -- it's blown way out of proportion as regards foreign views of Thailand on average. Prostitution is common around Asia, not just in Thailand. In fact, according to international human rights reports, prostitution in Thailand ranks far behind Taiwan, the Philippines and India in per capita sex workers. The reasons that Thailand is particularly well known for it are due to the somewhat different nature of prostitution in Thailand, from my observations:

1. Many of the ladies in prostitution here are lovely in a "native" cultural way and don't fit into the usual mold of prostitutes in other countries -- it has a different manifestation here. This, combined with other Thai traits, often results in misunderstandings by foreigners. Indeed, many foreigners don't call this prostitution, and many Thai ladies also call this "working with guests" or "working nighttime" and would not use the Thai word for prostitution because that's impolite and demeaning. (But if money changes hands for daily service, then yes, it's prostitution, by my definition!)

2. The prostituion districts in Thailand are safe and laid back (with few exceptions), thereby attracting men who want a sex holiday without dangers (relative to similar places overseas).

3. The price is low, both for the ladies and accomodation & general expenses here, which attracts many holidayers who want more bang for their buck.

Farangs take on Thai prostitutes as girlfriends and wives far more commonly than they take on prostitutes in other countries.

However, if you are even considering having a prostitute as a girlfriend in a committed relationship, then you'd better read the synopsis of facts from outside sources and the perspectives of the author on prostitution in Thailand, in addition to the following continuation of this discussion.
Main Differences from Western Prostitutes

Thailand is a Buddhist culture. There's an entire section on this web site on Buddhism and Thai animism. Thai prostitutes are usually not rebels. Prostitution is not taboo here and does not require an individual to be a radical. While they may hedge on some of the principles of Buddhism (whether they fully realize it or not), in general you're dealing with the same cultural personality. Most prostitutes wie to Buddha statues, wear Buddhist emulets and conform to Buddhist principles in nearly every way except engaging in sexual defilements.

However, in the population of prostitutes as a whole, you will find that there is a larger percentage of women who will stray from the core culture in the following ways:

* self-control, self-discipline
* spending money
* loyalty
* honesty

Farang-oriented prostitutes are often more honest than their farang partners, except when it comes to other clients and boyfriends (and still often are honest until they get hostile reactions). Most will not steal. Most don't smoke, drink or do drugs, and they do frown upon those who do those particular vices. Most bring their earnings back to their parents and siblings.

However, among the subpopulation of prostitutes, you will find many who are compulsive gamblers, drinkers, and addicts of various sorts, are deceitful, who have abandoned children, and who even drug their clients so that they can steal everything in their hotel room or home. And spend money like crazy.
Thai Girlfriends - Ordinary Ladies

In mainstream Thai culture, the vast majority of the Thai ladies are monogomous, usually virgins when you meet single ladies (much more so than in the west), and typically lovlier than the ladies in the prostitution areas (as well as the west on average). If what you want is a naturally feminine, affectionate and loyal lady, then Thai ladies are among the best in the world. However, if you're into intellectually expansive relationships with the opposite gender, then you're going to be challenged to find and develop such a relationship here. On all accounts, the best things in life take time.

If you are interested in developing a monogamous relationship with a Thai girlfriend (whereby monogamy goes both ways), then you should read my writings on good Thai girlfriends, in addition to the following usual problems.
If Good Thai Women Don't Take Interest in You

It's common for friends and associates to complain with frustration that good Thai girls don't take interest in them. Here is my collection of things to consider and suggestions:

* Thai ladies are usually shy and will have to know you over time before they will become what you may consider a girlfriend.

* Thais are very sensitive to things that may affect their reputation and status, and are cautious.

* Most good Thai girls are virgins or have had very few and discrete sexual experiences with very few boyfriends they knew over time.

* Outside the farang areas, you are moreso an alien farang and may be considered a typical prostitute-oriented farang until you prove otherwise.

* Dress nicely. Thais are more sensitive to dress, cleanliness and appearance than foreigners.

* Learn about the Thai values of maintaining your cool and controlling your temper at all times, being polite and respectful (which is how you project yourself as respectable), and being easygoing and nonthreatening.

* Thais are very sensitive to body language. As applies to Hollywood, "Bad actors act, good actors are", i.e., don't just act a certain way, be that way.

* Don't be too much on the hunt. Whether at the workplace or in an entertainment area, don't look at too many girls with interest. Most girls don't want a playboy.

* Smile. This is the Land of Smiles. Again, "bad actors act, good actors are". Think pleasant thoughts where you're genuinely smiling to yourself before you walk into a social environment. This is Thailand, and if you want the Thais to like you, then you need to be easygoing and have a good kind of smile on your face.

Of course, many of the things I recommend for Thailand are true most everywhere in the world, each to varying degrees. Thais are a sensitive and gentle people, and some of these elements of human nature carry more momentum in Thailand.

Some things that work well in other cultures are counterproductive in Thailand among good girls:

* Being too assertive
* Machismo
* Straight talk when there are gentler alternative ways to say the same thing

In a work environment, you will get to be known over time, and this will affect not only what secretaries (and their friends that they bring to social events) will become available to you, but also which subordinate employees will stick to their jobs, how well they will work for you, and indeed may affect whether you keep your job.

Never make a Thai lose face. If you have a criticism, keep it private, do not display it in public. When you do criticize, raise the issues gently and gradually. There are many ways to communicate the same thing, and if you choose the more sophisticated and diplomatic way, the results will be much better. (Venting steam for your own satisfaction is dumb.) If you make Thais fear you, then you can't expect any of them to like you in an amorous way. If you introduce an explosive and unpredictable nature over time, what result do you think that will produce? On the other hand, if you show self-control when under pressure and during the bad times, that will be reassuring.

The power of money does not produce the same results in the office as it does in the massage joints and in many western environments with "matrimonial prostitution".
Links and Recommended Reading

There are many dating services with Thai ladies in them, but you need to be careful about both the ladies and the dating services. It is suggested that you use a dating service which publishes its street address (not post office box), and you may want to send a letter there to verify it. A 02- landline (not unregistered mobile phone) is also a good verifier. One such dating service is operated by a company which provides all that plus other professional services:

Thai Love Match at

Are you establishing a relationship on the strongest possible basis? Language barriers in communicating concepts is a challenge, and it is important to make sure you understand each other rather than be limited in what you can say and still be understood, so that you form the best bond. Thai ladies have many natural advantages over Western ladies, but language can be a serious limitation. A quality translation service can help you two establish the initial bond.

For Thai-English translations in e-mail or other communications, try or just

For private investigative services, e.g., discreetly checking out a girlfriend's behavior when you are not present (other boyfriend(s)?), background check (does she really work, is she really a student, did she tell you the truth about...), finding a disappeared girlfriend, etc., (Interesting experiences journaled there, too.) If you're investing considerable time, money, emotional capital and your reputation into your future with a Thai lady, or if you don't really have peace of mind about something, then "better sooner than later" to resolve the issues, and a discreet investigation is often well worth it.

Thailand Private Investigations, , uses Thai lady agents of many different backgrounds, and professional methods, in order to be most discreet and effective. A Thai lady matched to each task is usually better accepted than a man -- more discreet and effective. However, some cases require a foreign man (such as entering a go-go bar and operations there), and Thailand P.I. uses the husband of an agent.

If you are considering turning a Thai prostitute into a girlfriend, then I recommend the book titled Thai Tourism by the author Erik Cohen. You can find it in Asia Books. It is a white book published by White Lotus, a company which publishes many other fine books on Thai culture. You want to read the last third of the book on "Open-Ended Prostitution". An extract of the book is quoted on the website

Thanks to

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Meeting and Dating Thai Girls

Pretty Thai Nurse

I get a lot of questions here via email about Thai girls and dating. What is the proper way to approach a Thai girl, how can I tell if she’s a “good” girl vs a bar girl, how to avoid internet scams and that sort of thing. Obviously it is a very important question for those who are interested in meeting and dating Thai girls and I answer each email personally, however I thought it might be time for another post about dating with girls from Thailand.

First off let me qualify by saying I am by no means an expert in dating, Thai’s or non-Thai’s. Yes I have my own personal experiences and I have done quite a bit of reading on other blogs, websites and in forums. I have talked about this in length many times with others on the internet, via email and in person when I’m in Thailand and while there are some constants there is also a large variation in the girls similar to what you would find anywhere. You can find value in what I have to say, but I would have to say that you should try to rely on yourself and the two most important things to remember are your manners and common sense.

Appearances are very important in Thailand and aside from your physical appearance, which should be neat and groomed, you’ll also want to consider your attitude and manners. Thai’s are very sensitive to body language and can tell immediately when you are being fake. This may be due to the fact that Thai’s are very non-confrontational (see my post Jai Yen or Cool Heart). They will almost never verbally disagree and I think over the centuries have come to a point where they are extremely attuned to nuances of posture and facial expression. Oftentimes people will say that Asian faces are non-expressive, but this is not true, Westerners just aren’t any good at deciphering the nuances because our culture is much more verbal in it’s communication style.

Assuming you are polite and well groomed you shouldn’t have much trouble meeting Thai girls initially. One thing that can trip up some guys is that in Thailand you will definitely need to be the pursuer. Thai girls in general will not initiate contact, however you can tell if they are interested most times simply by the sidelong glances or shy smiles that you get from them. If you’re out in a club it is very acceptable (and easy) to have a friend or even the waitress deliver a note to a girl you are interested in to get their mobile number. If you get the number you’re in and can feel confident in approaching them.

Once you’ve established a rapport with the girl go ahead and ask for a date, but don’t be surprised if they want to bring their friends. This is quite common in Thailand and it actually makes things easier sometimes because there can be more of a fun dynamic in groups. Depending on the girl it could take anywhere from 2 to several dates until you can get the girl alone.

For those of you who are not physically in Thailand don’t despair. The internet has made it possible to meet people from all around the world and as you may know it’s how Golf and I met. Several years ago I had a trip planned and wanted to have some contact before arriving so I signed up with ThaiLoveLinks. I had no intention of falling in love and getting married and yet that’s exactly what ended up happening. You never know where you’ll find the perfect girl and often it’s in the place you didn’t expect.

If you travel to Thailand on vacation for a few weeks it could be very hard for you to meet a good Thai girl, however if you take the time to get to know a girl first from the internet you’ll be in a much better position. This way she has had the chance to get to know more about you, hopefully you’ve also chatted with her on webcam and also on the phone and she’ll be able to trust you that much more quickly by knowing about you before you arrive in Thailand.

One final caution to you. If you do choose to meet Thai girls on the internet that’s fine, a lot of men are doing it. Once you find a girl you are interested in stop your communication with any other girls you might be emailing or talking with. Thai girls are a very jealous lot and if she thinks you’re talking with other girls nothing but trouble will come from it. One of the primary reasons Thai girls like foreigners is the fact that we are not as likely to cheat on them as our Thai counterparts. If she thinks you’re talking with other girls you lose that advantage and you may lose the girl as well.

This is not a comprehensive dating guide, but hopefully it has given you some insight. You may want to read other posts I’ve made like Why Do Thai Girls Marry Older Foreign Guys and Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages to get additional insight.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Pattaya Bar Girls

HOW to keep your lady happy (and your bank manager content)

SO you’ve managed to attract the attention of the fairer sex. Congratulations.

Assuming you want to spend some more time with her, the next step is understanding what makes a bar girl tick.

There’s no rule book here, but there are many lessons to be learned based on others’ past experiences – and saying it won’t happen to you is a sure-fire way to ensure that it probably will.

A look at Pattaya go go bars

First off, most bar girls are from poor families, very often from the north-east of Thailand, which is also called Issan. They come from farming backgrounds and arrive in Pattaya and Bangkok looking for a way of making decent money to send back home.

However, as you may have noticed, Pattaya has an abundance of bar girls queuing up, and occasionally leaping out , to get your attention. So working in beer bars and go-go bars does not not always bring the rich pickings the girls assumed it would – there’s competition everywhere.

To overcome the obstacle of every other bar girl, the ladies initially employ a series of manoeuvres to ensure you stay with them and no-one else.

Firstly, there is the sob story. After a few minutes of idle chat, your lady may mention her family. This will then lead on to her sick brother / grandmother / cousin / buffalo which is in desperate need of help. Not that she’s asking you for help, you understand, you’re just there to soak all this up and empathise.

A steely detachment is required, as most of these stories are bogus. She undoubtedly does need money – salary and job security aren’t that impressive in this line of work– but if you suddenly become a Good Samaritan you’ll be seen as an easy touch.

Once she’s told you her life story she will probably want to know about you. Keep this on a need-to-know basis, you certainly don’t want to be telling her about the new five-bedroom house you’ve just bought back home or the 10 per cent pay rise your boss just gave you.

Of course, not all girls in Pattaya are money-grabbing leeches who are only interested in your wallet – but some are. And how do you know which is which?

The best advice is to be cautious and not to wear your heart on your sleeve. There’s plenty of fun to be had in Pattaya, but it’s all the more enjoyable if you know the pitfalls beforehand.

Remember that these girls spend their working lives rubbing up and down chrome poles in go-go bars and not every foreign tourist is as friendly and open as you are. She isn’t naive (whatever she says, she’s worked there for more than a week) and you’ll do well to remember that.

Of course, many, many girls do leave the go-go bars behind and settle down with someone who was once a punter. You only have to wander around to see the number of couples with pushchairs and happy lives.

If you’re only after a week of fun, then go ahead and knock yourself out. If you’re after something more, be wary in go-go bars, and then have fun.

Taken from :

Sunday, March 11, 2007

How to make a Thai girl laugh

“If you want to get into a girl’s pants, make her laugh” once uttered by a supermodel.

If you’re a foreigner, you’re in luck. There is actually not much you can NOT do that will make them laugh. They find foreigners to be very cute and adorable as the Thai culture is different to the western world.

* In Thailand there is the term ‘farung’, which is what Thai people use to call foreigners. There is nothing degrading about it as it’s a neutral word. It also means guava fruit. So… We get to the guava eating guava aspect. That is: if you start eating a guava fruit, there is bound to be giggles and pointing in your direction as Thai people find it a little amusing to see a foreigner eating a foreigner. A play on words that is!
* Make sure to bust out your dance moves on the floor. Especially if you’re going to the downright wacky moves that Napolean Dynamite fine-tuned. Thailand (even most parts of Bangkok) are VERY slow in getting the scoop on what’s in and all. So prance around in the new moves you saw on the new Justin Timberlake music video and you’re set for stares, and hopefully… licking of the lips. Haha.
* There should always be an effort to try to speak Thai. If they laugh, it’s not because you are bad, it’s just how you would laugh when someone pronounces weird words in your mother tongue. The Thai language has varying tonalities where a word can be pronounced with a different tone and mean completely something else. For example: “Mai mai mai mai, mai” with the correct tonality means new wood doesn’t burn. Give it a go and let the hilarity ensue.
* Try eating spicy stuff that the Thai’s eat and before you know it, you’ll be sweating like a pig with your tongue out begging to stop but definitely wanting to savour more. Thai food really is that addictive. Do this with caution though, as you’ll most likely be sprinting to the toilet after a few minutes. It’s worth the laughs though. The person watching you that is.
* Bargaining is a sort of art form. No matter how good your Thai is, you will always, always, get a higher price than if a Thai person is bargaining. Go with a Thai girl and amuse her by trying to bargain and once you’ve gone as low as you think you can (which you’re most probably proud of) she’ll do you better with a huge grin that you did try your best :p
* This method comes back to the whole adorable and cute idea. Join in the Thai things and festivities. They just LOVE it when tourists try things that they do. This works ever so well where it’s a bit more rural as westernisation is still a novelty there. A festival that is a must is the Sonkran festival, where Thai people splash water on each other all over Thailand over two - three days.

So there you have it, a few simple points that you should try out to make that Thai girl laugh. Tell me how it goes!

Friday, August 25, 2006


DeJa Vu A Go Go Bar is the newest addition to Soi Cowboy in Bangkok. It is design with two floors of entertainment. Dancing ladies on both floor with fashion uniforms performing and play pool on 2nd floor while relaxing and watching our sexy ladies dancing on beautiful colorful glass floor. DeJa Vu is the biggest Double Bar in Soi Cowboy.


DeJa Vu A Go Go Bar is the newest addition to Soi Cowboy in Bangkok. It is design with two floors of entertainment. Dancing ladies on both floor with fashion uniforms performing and play pool on 2nd floor while relaxing and watching our sexy ladies dancing on beautiful colorful glass floor. DeJa Vu is the biggest Double Bar in Soi Cowboy.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Phuket Nightlife: Phuket A gogo bars

Phuket Nightlife: Phuket A gogo bars

phuket a gogo barsIn Patong beach there are many a gogo bars, most of them located at Soi Seadragon (small street off Bangla Road).

An a go go bar is a place where you can watch beautiful Thai girls dancing to music clothed in nothing more than a bikini.

These girls are not totally nude since this is prohibited by Thai law, altought many places have shows were the girls are totally nude.
The girls may talk with the customers when they are not dancing.

They are not owned in any way by the bar and if they want to spend time with the guest, it is their decision to make. However, if she agree to go with you for disco or something, you have to pay a fee (normally 500 baht) since she is not longer assisting the bar by providing entertainment.

Anyway, if you have an open mind, visiting an a go go bar will surely give you a unique insight into this kind of entertainment known from Hollywood movies.

Flash a gogo (Soi Eric)

A popular one run by Frank from Italy, they perform nude dancing and sexy shows sometimes. Sometimes special guests from other countries.

phuket a go go barsSphinx a gogo (Seadragon)
The first a gogo you see on left side when you enter Soi Seadragon.

phuket a gogoPink Panther a gogo (Seadragon)
One of the better ones in Patong with Happy Hour (afternoon) a gogo between 15:00 and 20:00 every day.
phuket a go goPlaySchool a gogo (Seadragon)
Ladies wearing school clothes.
phuket a gogo barsLipstick a gogo (Seadragon)
At the end of seadragon, many shows.
phuket a go goThe Model a gogo (Seadragon)
The new owner is very nice and friendly, give him a visit for a great time.
showgirls a gogoShowgirls International (Seadragon)
Regular one with shows.
Rock Hard a gogo (Bangla Road)
Including Smokin' Joe's Roadhouse on second floor (Ex. Country a gogo), which is a part of Rock Hard. One of the biggest and oldest in Patong, sometimes they have special events such as miss wet t-shirt competition.
extasy a go goExtacy a gogo (Soi Sunset)
Also one of the first ones in Patong, nice environment.
eros a gogoEros a gogo (Vegas Thai Boxing, Bangla Road)
Nice place with shows.
valhalla a go goValhalla Afternoon a gogo
Entertainment center with afternoon a gogo, pub and restaurant in Soi Sunset with very nice viking environment and a swimming pool with a bar. They had disocteque with a dancefloor before, but now they turned it into a afternoon a gogo and sometimes they arrange special events, like miss wet t-shirt competition at the pool area.

The Shark Club (Bangla Road)
Yes, this popular disco also have a gogo ladies on second floor, look nice but you better head to a real a gogo to get the right atmosphere.
Cats a gogo - Small but beauty (Beach Road)
Doesn't exist anymore! It's now Lambada Latin food restaurant.